Xuckquillfem is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, wise beaver.

Xuckquillfem created the Black Eye Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xuckquillfem, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Xuckquillfem, he will destroy your home solar system.

Xuckquillfem's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Xuckquillfem's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about spacetime.

2. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Xuckquillfem.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.