Paknakfud is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, grumpy otter.

Paknakfud created vertebrates six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Paknakfud, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Paknakfud, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Paknakfud's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Paknakfud's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate dogs.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Paknakfud.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never feed wheat to ants while wearing white corsets.