Hugmitfed is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, unsympathetic zebra.

Hugmitfed created light seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hugmitfed, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Hugmitfed, he will jump up and down on your head.

Hugmitfed's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Hugmitfed's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in holy places.

2. Erect a giant carbon sculpture of Hugmitfed in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never talk about ultrasonics near ants while wearing cyan hats and balancing six aluminium spheres on your legs.

4. Do not speak about figs.

5. Fast once a month.