Homvadzen Nullimved Dimjatmit is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, merciless tapir.

Homvadzen Nullimved Dimjatmit created a Higgs boson six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Homvadzen Nullimved Dimjatmit, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Homvadzen Nullimved Dimjatmit, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Homvadzen Nullimved Dimjatmit's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Homvadzen Nullimved Dimjatmit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat peas.

2. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Homvadzen Nullimved Dimjatmit on top of all buildings.

3. Do not dye your hair white.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity near bats while wearing pink corsets and balancing seven zinc spheres on your feet.

5. Never mention frogs.