Abbemfun is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, stupid porpoise.

Abbemfun created the Tadpole Galaxy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Abbemfun, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Abbemfun, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Abbemfun's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Abbemfun's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into pink rooms.

2. Run away from fawn rats, for they are unholy.

3. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Abbemfun in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate pigs.

5. Do not wear silicon on your body.