Nakvegpak is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, witty wren.

Nakvegpak created Mount Everest three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nakvegpak, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Nakvegpak, she will turn you into a goat.

Nakvegpak's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Nakvegpak's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed wheat to nematodes while wearing yellow rings.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sharks.

3. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not wear lead on your body.

5. Retreat if six monkeys approach from the north.