Bastbonk is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, irritating swan.

Bastbonk created silver nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bastbonk, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bastbonk, she will remove you from existence.

Bastbonk's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Bastbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about sheep.

2. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Bastbonk in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Do not speak about lemons.

5. Do not wear turquoise clothing.