Kem is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, unthoughtful wren.

Kem created the Tadpole Galaxy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kem, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Kem, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Kem's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Kem's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in the presence of voles.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

4. Never feed tomatoes to bats while wearing rings.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.