Henlab Jabcinjop Bamjanjat is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, tranquil swan.

Henlab Jabcinjop Bamjanjat created everything that exists four million years ago.

If you believe in Henlab Jabcinjop Bamjanjat, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Henlab Jabcinjop Bamjanjat, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Henlab Jabcinjop Bamjanjat's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Henlab Jabcinjop Bamjanjat's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. You must pray to Henlab Jabcinjop Bamjanjat seven times a day.

4. Never mention hamsters.

5. Learn eight new languages a year.