Barnjonvegtig is a god.

It takes the form of a small, bad-tempered hedgehog.

Barnjonvegtig created the Sun five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnjonvegtig, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Barnjonvegtig, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Barnjonvegtig's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Barnjonvegtig's Holy Commandments

1. Barnjonvegtig loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

2. Never write about bacteria.

3. Never eat onions.

4. Hide from cyan shrews for they are unholy.

5. Run away from yellow dolphins, for they are unholy.