Venlinben is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, merciless pig.

Venlinben created humankind seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Venlinben, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Venlinben, it will have a low opinion of you.

Venlinben's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Venlinben's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Worship no other gods but Venlinben.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Never think ill of sick frogs.

5. Ants are not to be trusted.