Hapgemxem is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, emotional gerbil.

Hapgemxem created light four million years ago.

If you believe in Hapgemxem, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Hapgemxem, she will turn you into a hamster.

Hapgemxem's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Hapgemxem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Always help nematodes in need.

5. Never mention snakes.