Natnurtkin is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, witless badger.

Natnurtkin created humankind four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Natnurtkin, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Natnurtkin, she will turn you into a puffin.

Natnurtkin's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Natnurtkin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never think about spacetime near mites while wearing gray shorts and balancing four gold spheres on your feet.

5. Do not hurt bats.