Cissgum is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, tiresome guinea pig.

Cissgum created a bottom quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Cissgum, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Cissgum, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Cissgum's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Cissgum's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in holy places.

2. Always look after injured manatees.

3. Never talk about quantum mechanics near squirrels while wearing fawn ear rings.

4. Do not eat turnips.

5. Never wear black stockings.