Vigjenquafkad is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, selfish squid.

Vigjenquafkad created an electron eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vigjenquafkad, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Vigjenquafkad, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Vigjenquafkad's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Vigjenquafkad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about chromosomes.

2. Never write about dwarf planets.

3. Always treat geese with great respect.

4. Never feed parsnips to grasshopers while wearing trousers.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.