Bumlatbest is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, stupid gorilla.

Bumlatbest created the cosmos two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bumlatbest, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bumlatbest, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bumlatbest's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Bumlatbest's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

2. Always wear indigo.

3. Bumlatbest loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

4. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Always help grasshopers.