Lamflatkin is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, compassionate walrus.

Lamflatkin created dark matter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lamflatkin, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lamflatkin, she will manifest in front of you.

Lamflatkin's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Lamflatkin's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at nebulae.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Lamflatkin on top of all buildings.

4. Never write about ribonucleic acid.

5. Do not kill capybaras.