Jontampangtanzagnellog is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, almighty lobster.

Jontampangtanzagnellog created energy four years ago.

If you believe in Jontampangtanzagnellog, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Jontampangtanzagnellog, he will jump up and down on your head.

Jontampangtanzagnellog's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Jontampangtanzagnellog's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never think about gravity near hamsters while wearing orange tights and balancing eight silver spheres on your arms.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Jontampangtanzagnellog must be the most important thing in your life.