Wapfarnquat is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, charitable gerbil.

Wapfarnquat created the planet Jupiter eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wapfarnquat, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Wapfarnquat, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Wapfarnquat's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Wapfarnquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about optics.

2. Wapfarnquat must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never look at moons.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never eat green fruit.