Jabveenhiv is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, humorless finch.

Jabveenhiv created bats five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jabveenhiv, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Jabveenhiv, she will cry a lot.

Jabveenhiv's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Jabveenhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about doves.

2. Never feed lentils to geese while wearing blue trousers.

3. Run away if nine ants approach from the east.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not take Jabveenhiv's name in vain.