Bifluntonk is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, merciless snail.

Bifluntonk created oxygen eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bifluntonk, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bifluntonk, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Bifluntonk's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Bifluntonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Bifluntonk's priests.

2. Never hurt seals.

3. Do not take Bifluntonk's name in vain.

4. Never wear purple jumpers.

5. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place in mauve.