Wankikgartin is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, cheerful seal.

Wankikgartin created an electron seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Wankikgartin, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Wankikgartin, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Wankikgartin's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Wankikgartin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never talk about doves.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Put Wankikgartin first in all things.

5. Never write about asteroids.