Matyamsaf is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, merciful whale.

Matyamsaf created the solar system five million years ago.

If you believe in Matyamsaf, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Matyamsaf, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Matyamsaf's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Matyamsaf's Holy Commandments

1. Matyamsaf must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never feed tomatoes to rats while wearing gray skirts.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Do not dye your hair pink.