Pitzenbam is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, weak alligator.

Pitzenbam created the cosmos six billion years ago.

If you believe in Pitzenbam, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Pitzenbam, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Pitzenbam's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Pitzenbam's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Always look after injured cats.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never talk about horses.