Cemsterkem is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, merciful alligator.

Cemsterkem created light four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cemsterkem, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Cemsterkem, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Cemsterkem's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Cemsterkem's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear magenta.

2. Do not eat carrots.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate sheep.

5. You must love Cemsterkem.