Dumponlit is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, stupid dolphin.

Dumponlit created an atom six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dumponlit, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Dumponlit, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Dumponlit's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Dumponlit's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt capybaras.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not take Dumponlit's name in vain.