Cimcapbeg is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, clever dog.

Cimcapbeg created the Small Magellanic Cloud three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cimcapbeg, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cimcapbeg, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Cimcapbeg's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Cimcapbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Cimcapbeg.

4. Never mention gulls.

5. Do not wear nickel on your body.