Quatjambut is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, boastful troll.

Quatjambut created a quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quatjambut, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Quatjambut, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Quatjambut's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Quatjambut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt tortoises.

2. You must love Quatjambut.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Quatjambut in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not cook food in pots.