Nurzakhiv is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, calm swallow.

Nurzakhiv created a bottom quark four years ago.

If you believe in Nurzakhiv, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nurzakhiv, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Nurzakhiv's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Nurzakhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity near tortoises while wearing white scarves and balancing nine titanium spheres on your legs.

2. Never run near badgers.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never think about dark matter near dogs while wearing violet rings and balancing three silver spheres on your arms.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.