Bepbif is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, slow pig.

Bepbif created a bottom quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Bepbif, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bepbif, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bepbif's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Bepbif's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat carrots.

2. Otters are not to be trusted.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate shrews.

5. Always make sure there are no voles in a room before entering it.