Veggovladpang Jabfabnell is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, unfair snake.

Veggovladpang Jabfabnell created light seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Veggovladpang Jabfabnell, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Veggovladpang Jabfabnell, she will turn you into a tree.

Veggovladpang Jabfabnell's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Veggovladpang Jabfabnell's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. You must never eat pineapples.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never write about electromagnetism.

5. Never hurt hamsters.