Fagquafhiv is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, unsympathetic yak.

Fagquafhiv created the solar system six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fagquafhiv, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Fagquafhiv, it will turn you into a mouse.

Fagquafhiv's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Fagquafhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Fagquafhiv.

2. Never talk about fluid mechanics near dolphins while wearing purple scarves and balancing seven iron spheres on your face.

3. Never feed peanuts to otters while wearing ear rings.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not hurt swans.