Ortviglam is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, calm narwhal.

Ortviglam created the planet Jupiter six million years ago.

If you believe in Ortviglam, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Ortviglam, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Ortviglam's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Ortviglam's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into mauve rooms.

2. Never feed parsnips to sheep while wearing magenta coats.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Do not dye your hair yellow.

5. Do not chop down trees.