Bagortjan is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, boastful aardvark.

Bagortjan created the Large Magellanic Cloud six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bagortjan, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bagortjan, he will turn you into a snail.

Bagortjan's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Bagortjan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never feed lots of pineapples to horses while wearing black kilts.

3. Do not wear green clothing.

4. Never think about stars.

5. Never think about fluid mechanics near cats while wearing gray jumpers and balancing seven carbon spheres on your head.