Jenlamtifrul is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, tiresome tapir.

Jenlamtifrul created Mount Everest six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jenlamtifrul, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Jenlamtifrul, he will come to you in dreams.

Jenlamtifrul's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Jenlamtifrul's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no gulls in a room before entering it.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never write about photosynthesis.

4. Retreat if five dogs approach from the west.

5. Do not listen to music.