Tarptofbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, irritating goblin.

Tarptofbarn created the Andromeda Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Tarptofbarn, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Tarptofbarn, he will destroy your home planet.

Tarptofbarn's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Tarptofbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about amino acids.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never mention whales.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.