Timsisfad is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, generous jaguar.

Timsisfad created the Sol system eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Timsisfad, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Timsisfad, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Timsisfad's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Timsisfad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

2. Retreat if three snakes approach from the south.

3. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

4. Worship no other gods but Timsisfad.

5. Never think about moons.