Yarpten is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, bad-tempered horse.

Yarpten created viruses nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpten, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Yarpten, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Yarpten's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Yarpten's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large iron sculpture of Yarpten on top of all buildings.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never talk about nucleic acids.

4. Do not hurt mites.

5. You must love Yarpten.