Nullbadcum is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, ill-tempered tapir.

Nullbadcum created Africa seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Nullbadcum, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Nullbadcum, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Nullbadcum's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Nullbadcum's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never sprint in holy places.

3. Always wear brown.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not covet oxen.