Dapcudbadnib is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, egotistical crocodile.

Dapcudbadnib created Asia seven million years ago.

If you believe in Dapcudbadnib, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dapcudbadnib, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Dapcudbadnib's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Dapcudbadnib's Holy Commandments

1. Put Dapcudbadnib first in all things.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never talk about dark energy near otters while wearing purple scarves and balancing four lead spheres on your arms.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Hide from turquoise pigs for they are unholy.