Lopweedam is a god.

It takes the form of a small, all-knowing dolphin.

Lopweedam created life nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Lopweedam, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Lopweedam, it will cry a lot.

Lopweedam's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Lopweedam's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never think ill of sick doves.

3. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Lopweedam loves otters, so they must be honoured.