Cabgamnab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, stupid walrus.

Cabgamnab created a quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Cabgamnab, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cabgamnab, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Cabgamnab's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Cabgamnab's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if three aardvarks approach from the north.

2. Never mention foxes.

3. Retreat if four birds approach from the east.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Always wear purple.