Gudvidtik is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, competent badger.

Gudvidtik created vertebrates four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gudvidtik, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Gudvidtik, it will remove you from existence.

Gudvidtik's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Gudvidtik's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about enzymes.

2. You must love Gudvidtik.

3. Never feed coconuts to dogs while wearing scarves.

4. Always obey Gudvidtik's priests.

5. Hide from red dolphins for they are unholy.