Ontcemcenlim is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, emotional monkey.

Ontcemcenlim created the Cigar Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontcemcenlim, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Ontcemcenlim, she will turn you into a mouse.

Ontcemcenlim's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Ontcemcenlim's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Put Ontcemcenlim first in all things.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Ontcemcenlim.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.