Gessfatvad is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, self-confident hummingbird.

Gessfatvad created bats three billion years ago.

If you believe in Gessfatvad, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gessfatvad, he will be mildly annoyed.

Gessfatvad's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Gessfatvad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Worship no other gods but Gessfatvad.

3. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.