Tunpagtonk Citstikfab is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, bad-tempered swallow.

Tunpagtonk Citstikfab created a photon four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tunpagtonk Citstikfab, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tunpagtonk Citstikfab, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Tunpagtonk Citstikfab's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Tunpagtonk Citstikfab's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed turnips to sharks while wearing hats.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tunpagtonk Citstikfab.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not eat apples.

5. Never think about fluid mechanics near voles while wearing mauve jumpers and balancing seven aluminium spheres on your arms.