Targjigjip is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, unsympathetic centipede.

Targjigjip created the Black Eye Galaxy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Targjigjip, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Targjigjip, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Targjigjip's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Targjigjip's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never go into white rooms.

4. Never think about dark energy near pigs while wearing turquoise scarves and balancing five nickel spheres on your legs.

5. You must love Targjigjip.