Monpagkem is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, generous dugong.

Monpagkem created the Milkyway two billion years ago.

If you believe in Monpagkem, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Monpagkem, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Monpagkem's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Monpagkem's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Monpagkem.

2. Do not dye your hair pink.

3. Always make sure there are no horses in a room before entering it.

4. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

5. Learn nine new languages a year.