Nuttfontim is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, humorless jackal.

Nuttfontim created water three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nuttfontim, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Nuttfontim, he will turn you into a sheep.

Nuttfontim's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Nuttfontim's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never think about quantum gravity near sharks while wearing black tights and balancing nine platinum spheres on your hands.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not keep six seals in a large pit.