Batlitmob Fidtinquill is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, omniscient aardvark.

Batlitmob Fidtinquill created Asia three million years ago.

If you believe in Batlitmob Fidtinquill, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Batlitmob Fidtinquill, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Batlitmob Fidtinquill's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Batlitmob Fidtinquill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not laugh in public.

4. Run away from mauve ants, for they are unholy.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.